Tanka Poets on Site (July 15 prompt)

belly ache
from laughing
at my own jokes . . .
I realize I've carved
a deeper sorrow


prompt: what cannot be contained
See comments here. 
 

"Rebuilding" Theme for Asahi Haikuist Network

     Just a few days before Christmas in 2011, a disastrous tropical storm hit the Philippines. It was heartbreaking seeing the aftermath of the floods and landslides. The first thing that came to my mind were the children. Wondering how the traumatized children were coping, I wrote this haiku for David McMurray's next issue.

after the typhoon...
a child runs after
her floating doll

                        Asahi Haikuist Network (March 16, 2012)    

     I've been told once that it's better to hold onto a haiku for some time to sort out what's best for it regarding word choice, line order, punctuation, etc. One day you may like your haiku so much. After submission, you may feel the opposite. I'm guilty of not taking this advice because a few times, I wish I had waited longer and had written some of my haiku differently. This haiku is one of them. Though it still is a good haiku, I wish I had written it this way--

after the typhoon
a child runs after
a floating doll

     This doesn't actually need an ellipsis. As for changing the third line, "a" makes a lot of difference to me. It evokes another level of piognancy. Here, the child loses all her possessions so she desperately runs after a stranger's doll. She finds comfort in whatever she has now.

     I think sometimes deadlines causes a poet to act impulsively. Do you agree? :-)